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Dear Michael -

I'm 33 years old man and married for 2 years. Suddenly some days ago I came to know that my wife is masturbating in the middle of day while I'm in the office. But we have our regular sex 4 to 5 times in a week. After knowing that I'm felling very much unsecured as I think she is losing interest on me. Now my question is that am I not full filling her desire or something wrong with our relationship?



Dear M. -

There are different reasons why women may masturbate.  (And a lot more reasons why men masturbate)

* To release stress

* As part of a fantasy

* To enjoy the touch just how they like it

* Because they can orgasm better that way

* They are addicted to it

While it is estimated that about 98% of men masturbate, about 60% (maybe as high as 80%) of women do.  Just because someone gets married, it does not mean it will cease as the reason for masturbation may not be something that intercourse will completely fulfill.

Now, it is entirely possible that she is masturbating because you are not fulfilling her sexual needs in the way that you should.  Are you being a generous lover, making sure you are touching, licking, pounding, caressing her in the ways that she desires?

You might ask her to masturbate in front of you so you can see exactly how she likes it. You can massage her breasts, thighs or even run your fingers through her hair and gently kiss her face while she strokes herself.  In turn you can show off for her. There is no shame in masturbation. Bringing it into your love nest will probably take your relationship even deeper and your lovemaking more exciting.

Reader's responses: boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life, and i am beyond satisfied (he makes sure of it)...and I find myself, as the woman in this weeks letter, pleasing myself when i'm alone. This as nothing to do with being dissatisfied, but rather being so aroused from being so pleased sexually that I can't help myself. It has nothing to do with not being satisfied with my partner, but rather to do with my own sexuality and the reminiscence of his ability to please me, that renders me perpetually aroused. does that make any sense?


i have to say i agree. i am very satisfied by my husband, but i still pleasure myself several times a week. i like to, as part of foreplay, touch myself with my husband watching. encourage your wife to share the experience with you.




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