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Dear Michael -

Question #1
My husband has always had a hard time ejaculating. He says that he gets close but then it just goes away. We have been to a urologist to get his PSA checked they have checked for blockages you name it we have done it. I have asked everyone that I can think to ask and nothing well because of all that he is now having a hard time staying hard after his attempt so we have gone to Viagra and nothing still but very rarely. What should I do?

Question #2
My husband loves to be on top because if I am on top he looses his erection because I am not going fast enough or hard enough but the problem with that is unless he does oral pleasure on me I do not have an orgasm and if he does do oral pleasure on me I feel that I have to rush myself to have an orgasm because he gets tired so I have gotten to the point where I just do not have an orgasm. It is not that I do not enjoy it but I enjoy it a lot better if I have one. Can you help me on this as well?

Question #3
My husband has been very blessed in that area so I have NEVER given him a blow job because I can not fit it into my mouth and besides he never gets over when I make the attempt what should I do or how should I do it?


Dear Lisa -

Question #1

Here are some potential reasons why your husband is having a hard time keeping it erect and ejaculating

* Larger guys (see question #3) often have this problem, especially with keeping it erect

* He could be masturbating a lot - therefore doesn't have much juice left for when you are together (most adult men - even married men - masturbate).  It is also possible that he has trained himself to come via masturbation only. 

* He simply isn't very excited.  Find out what would spice thing up for him (fantasies, touching him certain places, how you dress, talking dirty, etc)

* Could be a chemical imbalance of some sort.  Some medications/herbs might help

Question #2

Most women can come to orgasm if they are on top and can control the movement.  So, if he is a man on top guy then this could be problematic for you.  Oral sex is a great way to get women to orgasm but it can be a long and tiring process for a tongue (see my Lick by Lick for help).

Most men deeply WANT to give their woman an orgasm. You might want to introduce a *toy* into the act.  A vibrator on your clitoris while he is tonguing you might send you to the moon and back.  Guys are visual creatures and he'd probably love to watch you get yourself off while he sucks your breasts or caresses your thighs.  There is more than one road to a super orgasm.

Question #3

You can still give a blow job to a man with a very large penis.  You might only be able to get his head in your mouth but the ridge of his head is very sensitive so licking and sucking it will give him great pleasure.  You can of course lick the shaft and his balls too. Get some flavored lubricant and stroke him while you are sucking on his head.  The goal of a great blow job (Fellatio) does not have to be orgasm.  You can stroke him to orgasm or let him complete the act inside you. Some guys would love for you to lay on your back while he finishes himself and spills his seed on your chest.

Reader's responses:

Around the age of 47 I noticed a lack of energy both in the bedroom as well as at the gym. My mind had lost its sharpness and I felt like I was sucking air in my workouts. My doctor started me on Androgel, a testosterone supplement
applied to my skin once daily.
This has made the world of difference both in my libido as well as muscle tone.
Recently though, I was experiencing a less than desirable erection. After checking my testosterone levels and finding them to be at an acceptable level, I was prescribed Cialis. WOW!!! Rock hard and the climax is like I was 30 again.


Using these drugs gives me the confidence that I will maintain
the hardness through ejaculation. When we age we lose what once was, and with the help of these new drugs, our confidence in performance can be regained.
Richard J.

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