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Dear Sex Answers:

I am a female in my early 20's. I cannot get aroused. My blood almost never gets going (and when it does it doesn't last long) and I don't produce much of my own lubrication. This is frustrating for me and my girlfriend (you can put lover if it makes you more comfortable). Is there anything I can do to fix this problem? Thanks so much!


Anonymous -

Arousal or excitement should produce lubrication and prepare you for sex. If you aren't able to get wet, there are lubricants you can use to help.

Slowing down and not "rushing" to get that "feeling" might also be what you need. There's as much pressure on women to perform as men, so if there's something you're anxious or worried about, you might stay dry like the Sahara Desert.

Some women are like a gas grill... throw in one match and she's on FIRE ... others, more like a crock pot ... she'll get hot, but it's going to take some time, so pull up a chair.  If slowing things down and letting you reach that feeling without pressure doesn't work, discuss this with your doctor to make sure you have no underlying medical conditions. A Sex Therapist is another good option.


Anonymous -

The first test is whether or not you can get aroused and wet when you are masturbating.  If you can, then it is an emotional/psychological issue with you and your girlfriend.  It might be your body telling you something is not right between you.

If the above is not true (you still don't get aroused or wet with masturbating) then it very well could be a medication issue (are you taking anything -- maybe for acne or something else) that is affecting you.  Or it could be a hormonal issue.  You can certainly have a doctor check you out for that.


Dear Anonymous:

If you were in your 50s I would put this down to the natural aging process, but seeing you are only in your 20s that is not the case. Having said that, I would suggest first and foremost a trip to your gynecologist is in order. It may be that your hormones are a little out of whack and your estrogen or testosterone may be a little low. Creams, or oral pills can help increase your hormone levels, which in turn can create a natural lubricant.

Over the counter medications can affect vaginal lubrication too as can some prescription medications. If you rely heavily on cold medicines, or some pain relievers to alleviate symptoms of colds and other ailments, you may suffer the side effect of vaginal dryness.

Vaginal lubricants can go a long way in easing any discomfort. Most brands these days are designed not to irritate the sensitive skin of the vagina, and most are water based/soluble. Even so, after intercourse, make sure to clean up to avoid any infections.

Sexual arousal is a whole topic on its own some people are more easily sexually aroused than others, it is just a fact of life. You should figure out (on your own, or with the help of your partner) what excites you. And then work on building from that one thing. Your drive may never be high, but as long as you work through things together and are on the same page, then it should not matter in the end. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship and should not be the glue that holds a relationship together.










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